Jessica Lange - Gods and Monsters

This song is just incredibly sexy, haunting, and touching at the same time. It's a fucking masterpiece. I cannot get enough of this woman!

Picking up the pieces..

These things are sometimes very hard to explain. Memories of shattered dreams are so confusing , they literally blur my head and transform me from the confident person i always was in a little guy that never stops dreaming. As i mentioned above i love myself, i really love myself so much, only myself. I don't know if the time of sharing my emotions, feelings , sharing myself(emotionally) will come. Life gives you a lesson with every single day and it gets tougher and tougher... My vision of trust totally changed during these years of transforming myself. I'm not even sure what i have transformed into, the cruel self-confident person that i am in everybody else's eyes, or the sad, maybe lonely person that lays deep in my heart. Now i can't trust anyone, too many pain i had that i deeply hide from everybody, and i don't even know if i have the power to confess it to anyone. The pride stroke me deeply, and my rock hard feelings and emotions create a barrier to my heart that nobody reached yet. I grew up in the period that everybody thinks only about themselves, and my personality was formed of daily life lessons. I hope!I really hope that the day that i can let someone in my life will come. For now, i will keep playing my role in the life theatre.

Looking for the better

 Every day is a new page in my long and full of wonderful moments journal. I try to look in every day for something new, for something exciting that will really make me have good mood no matter what. BUT, sometimes are some different situations that make you turn on your brain and think a lot even if it doesn't helps you. Well i think the solution lies in change. I think i need a change. A change of mind, a change of job, a change of country, and a change of friends that surround me. Why? Because i think friends are like an anchorage, and if you stick to them for a long time its harder to get up to the surface and find a new way. I had couple of friends that i trusted with my heart and they knew all my moves and all i do. This was a big mistake and now i am sure that if i start to think different it will change me completely.Do i need this change? Yes, definetely.I think i need a new beginning and i think i can get it only with a new antourage and new people surrounding me. I am sure that this is the way!

The thoughts that somewhere far away, where no one knows who you are , and how you are, are invading my brain every single day. I think that i need something new, something that will change my personality, and i will reborn as a mature, straight-thinking and with the right conclusions at all the stuff that happen to me , person. I know i can, i will do it no matter how much sacrifices i should make for this. I think it depends on me of what people i will meet and what people will surround me in order to change. i

Friendship between reality and illusion

     Friends should be everybodys support in life. A real friend will agree with you either you are right or not, and will feel when he needs to talk to you, and will know what you need to get better in a situation or another. Now i was thinking do i have real friends, or friends that just need me for their own purposes.
     My today story is about a case that happened these days. I had a girlfriend , we dated relatively long(2 months). Now we broke up and we dont even talk. Well, this story is about my very good friend that i trusted for a long time. I ve heard from some people that they walk together holding hands and it seems that they have a kind of relationship, that i dont know about . So i was wondering was he a good friend, or he just liked my grilfriend for a long time and now got the perfect moment to be with her. I don't care of the girl because i have another girlfriend now, but its really strange how i feel for my friend. It's a kind of 'whatever' feeling for their relationship, but on the other side it's a strange feeling that makes me think that i was wrong about our friendship.
     Well, this is it, i think i shouldnt trust anyone because everytime i do it, i get disapointed, maybe because of my strange character, maybe because i didn't found the friends i need yet. Life goes on and my opinion about friends remains the same - you can't trust anyone , but your family , i hope i'm wrong, i hope the good times will come, and i will find people way as crazy as me that i could share all my thoughts with and trust, TRUST. For now i feel perfect and i live my life 100%.