Out of stress and ready to go

It has been a hard week for me, but i feel like my mind is back to the place it was before and now i feel balanced and strong.I had hard time at work but i think beginning with the next week i will get used to it and i will start to work harder. My job helps me a lot , and i really care about it and i realize it drew me out of the black hole i was before. There i have what to do and there i get distracted from the daily routine.This week my best friend got back from Romania. We still don't talk, but i am a very good friend with his brother. I thought that it would be easier without him, and maybe i was right, i can't say for sure now. I am waiting for some stepts from him but i don't know if i will ever get them. I don't want to talk to him and i think our friendship is getting to the end , but still , even if i don't want to talk to him about this, and i keep my head straight, i still have hope. Maybe i should make the first step? I don't know, because it's not the first time that i do this and it helps only for a short period of time. I will try now to focus on my last exams and forget about everybody. The main problem for me that has to be solved sounds like this: Should i try to get my friend back and to have a backup and  support everytime i need, even if i didn't got much of it until now, or should i try to go in this life alone, and to take this as a lesson that improved my abilities to know people from different sides. I really don't know and i will think a lot about this.

The month that changed my thoughts about friendship

This last week was the one that caused me to thing globally about a lot of things. Everything that happened these last couple of days changed my attitude towards how i was treating other people that were close to me all this time.

The most important fact that made me think like this was the situation with my best friend.I will detalize it so everybody could understand how i feel now, and why.

Everything started with the exams we had all this month, but not only because of them. So, my best friend is a freshman and these were his first exams.I started to explain him what should he do in order to have good results and i supported him everytime he needed, but i was thinking that he wasn't really interested in what i was doing . At the beginning of this month we argued about some stuff and  we weren't talking to each other.When he started his first exam i was just walking by his room and i have heard that somebody tries to help him. I entered the room and was just wandering if he was ok. The guy that tried to help him couldn't find anything useful for my friend, so, eventhough i wasn't talking to him i just felt that i should help him no matter what . I was looking in all the rooms for the exercises he needed for his exam until i found something useful.I did all i could but i didn't heard any thankfull words from him.

The next day i decided that we should talk and we talked with him a couple of hours about this situation until we decided that we shouldn't argue and that our friendship worths more than this. The next couple of days i had my first exam, so i was trying to prepare for it, but suddenly we    understood that we have exams with my best friend in the same day.I told him that i won't be able to help him during the exam, but i can help him now and explain everything that's not clear.Those couple of days passed but he didn't care about his exam, but the day before it at 4 am when i was going to sleep he enters the room with a sad face, with the words:"Now i understand what kind of friend you are".I was very mad about this and i was explaining him that it was only his fault and that he had plenty of time before to come and ask me for help.This time i felt the same thing as before, so at 4 a.m. in the morning (even if i had my exam at 9 a.m.) i started to help him and explain everything he couldn't understand.It helped him a lot and he thanked me and he was very happy, and i was pleased that all i was explaining him at 4 a.m. didn't passed by.

A week passed, now i had  my third exam and i also needed a lot of time to prepre for it. The night before the exam aproximately at 1 a.m i came to my friend's room and asked for my camera charger.He was so busy with playing his computer game that he didn't even heard what i said.When i asked for the second time he told me to take it and go away cause he was busy. I went to the university the next day, i wrote my exam with success but then i understood that i don't need such friends like him, so i went and talked to him about this. He said that he will never change for anybody and if i want i can accept him, if i dont its my problem.These words made me even more angry and i decided that our friendship is over.But this last week, everybody left home for a couple of weeks, only i stayed because i knew he needs my support even if we weren't talking so i decided to stay.

Before our exams we were making plans where we will go to have fun after we finish  and we decided to go in another city to one of his old friends and to hang out there.But this last week, he decided to ask somebody else to go with him because he thought i don't talk to him this means i don't want to go anywhere . This was the last moment that pushed me to make this decision, that i don't really need such friends and that this was a fake friendship. I decided to talk to him for the last time and to tell my best friend everything i think. I told him that i thought about his words and i said that i really don't need a friend like this, meanwhile explaining him all the situation above.I think this time i took the correct decision and yesterday i left that house and came home, leaving him alone there.

In my opinion real friends support each other no matter what , and this is how i was acting, but he was acting totally opposite.I made a conclusion that better be alone with a lot of friends and focus on the job you have, instead of living with fake thoughts that you have a best friend, but you never know when he is gonna betray you. I am sure that this is definetely and i wont try to make good friends any more because now i know how it is to loose them.

Just....HAPPY:)

Hey, everyone who used to read my posts i forgot about it and didnt write anything for a long time,but now i am back and i can totally say i have a brand new life.This summer i spent in United States and this was the greatest adventure of my life.It changed my whole personality , and now im a definetely different person than i was a little time ago. America is the country that i have dreamed to go from the times i was a child, and my dream came true.I work hardly every day but i also had plenty of fun and made a lot of friends that i miss very much. I hope i come back soon , see all my friends from there, and get drunk like we were doing all the summer.

Also this year is my last year at university, and i can definetely say that i have success at school. I can't tell that im mega smart , but i am doing everything i can to finish it and im sure i will. Actually this is not just my last year here in Romania, this is my best year, and i have a lot of unforgetable memories for such a short period of time i've met my new freshman friends. I can tell that i have now a best friend and this makes me even stronger. Everybody needs a person in which you can trust and confess all your troubles and problems, and in which you can be sure that he won't betray you. Last year i had a different vision about this, and i was thinking that best friends don't exist. I have a lot of friends but i was sure for 100% only in my family.

I will use this moment to wish everybody a merry christmas and a happy new year!!!

Memories...:)

Now, when i got back to university , i realized i miss so much the people i worked with.My best boss took me back one time and i was so happy.Now i don't know if he will take me back again,but i want this so much.I miss the people i worked with almost a half of last year and i want so much to get back to them but now my big problem are my exams.I'm thinking now that going back to work will be hard and will ruin my plans about
America.In order to go to America i have to take all my exams, and if i go home now i don't know if i can do this.On the other side when i stay here i basically dont go to university because i want to sleep:).Last 2 weeks here were awesome, i can even say that my life started from a new page. First time we went to club together with the new guys.They have opened to me from another side and now we're closer than we were before.T

The sad reality

I thought that my comeback will bring a lot more happiness than i expected. But it just made my loneliness much painful . All of my friends have changed the attitude towards myself. I thought everybody missed me, but without me everybody was living his life even better than it was before. I think i need a bigger change, and this wasn't enough. I think i have to go abroad and begin a new life from 0. I have to change my behavior and i think everybody will look at me from another angle. I think that the mistakes stay in me and only i am guilty of the way people act with me. The main problem is that i don't know from what to begin and every time i try to make a change i get bored and i get back my old behavior. Each time people think that when they comeback everybody was thinking only of them but the reality is that these are just big thoughts and it depends on us how people will meet us. When i left i tried to make all the people i care think about me and how much i'll miss them. I think that was a mistake. I always wanted to be famous and to make people talk about me, but i thought it would be easier :) Now i will try to work on my mistakes and now, when i realized i have to leave back the past and go into the future with the head straight up.

Beginning from the end

It's morning,the sun didn't rise yet,but i'm already so happy.There are many reasons of my happiness,i don't know with which i can begin.I got my work place back when came from Romania,no w i can work with all my old friends,but there is also a sad moment in this story,a lot of people i was working with just left, and i think i can lose my interest to work without them.They were making my day, every time i was sad they were supporting me,we were laughing together, we were crying together, we were eating together, and we were fighting together. I think they  are a part from one big chapter of my life and i will never forget them.Now i have to concentrate on my work and maybe this feeling of loneliness will disappear.Now i have to run but i will get back very soon.

This is it

Day by day i think i am more alone than i was the day before.I think every day about the sense of my life,and i don't know if there is really any sense...I know i have the big part of the guilt and it's my fault that i have no friends and i don't have any close people...I've noticed that people look at me different than they looked couple of days ago.I don't touch anybody and this way i provoke them to do the things they do.How will anybody react if he was in my place?I need an advice, but having nobody close i don't know where to get it.