Tuesday, December 9, 2014
Picking up the pieces..
These things are sometimes very hard to explain. Memories of shattered dreams are so confusing , they literally blur my head and transform me from the confident person i always was in a little guy that never stops dreaming. As i mentioned above i love myself, i really love myself so much, only myself. I don't know if the time of sharing my emotions, feelings , sharing myself(emotionally) will come. Life gives you a lesson with every single day and it gets tougher and tougher... My vision of trust totally changed during these years of transforming myself. I'm not even sure what i have transformed into, the cruel self-confident person that i am in everybody else's eyes, or the sad, maybe lonely person that lays deep in my heart. Now i can't trust anyone, too many pain i had that i deeply hide from everybody, and i don't even know if i have the power to confess it to anyone. The pride stroke me deeply, and my rock hard feelings and emotions create a barrier to my heart that nobody reached yet. I grew up in the period that everybody thinks only about themselves, and my personality was formed of daily life lessons. I hope!I really hope that the day that i can let someone in my life will come. For now, i will keep playing my role in the life theatre.
Thursday, February 13, 2014
Looking for the better
Every day is a new page in my long and full of wonderful moments journal. I try to look in every day for something new, for something exciting that will really make me have good mood no matter what. BUT, sometimes are some different situations that make you turn on your brain and think a lot even if it doesn't helps you. Well i think the solution lies in change. I think i need a change. A change of mind, a change of job, a change of country, and a change of friends that surround me. Why? Because i think friends are like an anchorage, and if you stick to them for a long time its harder to get up to the surface and find a new way. I had couple of friends that i trusted with my heart and they knew all my moves and all i do. This was a big mistake and now i am sure that if i start to think different it will change me completely.Do i need this change? Yes, definetely.I think i need a new beginning and i think i can get it only with a new antourage and new people surrounding me. I am sure that this is the way!
The thoughts that somewhere far away, where no one knows who you are , and how you are, are invading my brain every single day. I think that i need something new, something that will change my personality, and i will reborn as a mature, straight-thinking and with the right conclusions at all the stuff that happen to me , person. I know i can, i will do it no matter how much sacrifices i should make for this. I think it depends on me of what people i will meet and what people will surround me in order to change. i
Friendship between reality and illusion
Friends should be everybodys support in life. A real friend will agree with you either you are right or not, and will feel when he needs to talk to you, and will know what you need to get better in a situation or another. Now i was thinking do i have real friends, or friends that just need me for their own purposes.
My today story is about a case that happened these days. I had a girlfriend , we dated relatively long(2 months). Now we broke up and we dont even talk. Well, this story is about my very good friend that i trusted for a long time. I ve heard from some people that they walk together holding hands and it seems that they have a kind of relationship, that i dont know about . So i was wondering was he a good friend, or he just liked my grilfriend for a long time and now got the perfect moment to be with her. I don't care of the girl because i have another girlfriend now, but its really strange how i feel for my friend. It's a kind of 'whatever' feeling for their relationship, but on the other side it's a strange feeling that makes me think that i was wrong about our friendship.
Well, this is it, i think i shouldnt trust anyone because everytime i do it, i get disapointed, maybe because of my strange character, maybe because i didn't found the friends i need yet. Life goes on and my opinion about friends remains the same - you can't trust anyone , but your family , i hope i'm wrong, i hope the good times will come, and i will find people way as crazy as me that i could share all my thoughts with and trust, TRUST. For now i feel perfect and i live my life 100%.
My today story is about a case that happened these days. I had a girlfriend , we dated relatively long(2 months). Now we broke up and we dont even talk. Well, this story is about my very good friend that i trusted for a long time. I ve heard from some people that they walk together holding hands and it seems that they have a kind of relationship, that i dont know about . So i was wondering was he a good friend, or he just liked my grilfriend for a long time and now got the perfect moment to be with her. I don't care of the girl because i have another girlfriend now, but its really strange how i feel for my friend. It's a kind of 'whatever' feeling for their relationship, but on the other side it's a strange feeling that makes me think that i was wrong about our friendship.
Well, this is it, i think i shouldnt trust anyone because everytime i do it, i get disapointed, maybe because of my strange character, maybe because i didn't found the friends i need yet. Life goes on and my opinion about friends remains the same - you can't trust anyone , but your family , i hope i'm wrong, i hope the good times will come, and i will find people way as crazy as me that i could share all my thoughts with and trust, TRUST. For now i feel perfect and i live my life 100%.
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Out of stress and ready to go
It has been a hard week for me, but i feel like my mind is back to the place it was before and now i feel balanced and strong.I had hard time at work but i think beginning with the next week i will get used to it and i will start to work harder. My job helps me a lot , and i really care about it and i realize it drew me out of the black hole i was before. There i have what to do and there i get distracted from the daily routine.This week my best friend got back from Romania. We still don't talk, but i am a very good friend with his brother. I thought that it would be easier without him, and maybe i was right, i can't say for sure now. I am waiting for some stepts from him but i don't know if i will ever get them. I don't want to talk to him and i think our friendship is getting to the end , but still , even if i don't want to talk to him about this, and i keep my head straight, i still have hope. Maybe i should make the first step? I don't know, because it's not the first time that i do this and it helps only for a short period of time. I will try now to focus on my last exams and forget about everybody. The main problem for me that has to be solved sounds like this: Should i try to get my friend back and to have a backup and support everytime i need, even if i didn't got much of it until now, or should i try to go in this life alone, and to take this as a lesson that improved my abilities to know people from different sides. I really don't know and i will think a lot about this.
Friday, February 22, 2013
The month that changed my thoughts about friendship
This last week was the one that caused me to thing globally about a lot of things. Everything that happened these last couple of days changed my attitude towards how i was treating other people that were close to me all this time.
The most important fact that made me think like this was the situation with my best friend.I will detalize it so everybody could understand how i feel now, and why.
Everything started with the exams we had all this month, but not only because of them. So, my best friend is a freshman and these were his first exams.I started to explain him what should he do in order to have good results and i supported him everytime he needed, but i was thinking that he wasn't really interested in what i was doing . At the beginning of this month we argued about some stuff and we weren't talking to each other.When he started his first exam i was just walking by his room and i have heard that somebody tries to help him. I entered the room and was just wandering if he was ok. The guy that tried to help him couldn't find anything useful for my friend, so, eventhough i wasn't talking to him i just felt that i should help him no matter what . I was looking in all the rooms for the exercises he needed for his exam until i found something useful.I did all i could but i didn't heard any thankfull words from him.
The next day i decided that we should talk and we talked with him a couple of hours about this situation until we decided that we shouldn't argue and that our friendship worths more than this. The next couple of days i had my first exam, so i was trying to prepare for it, but suddenly we understood that we have exams with my best friend in the same day.I told him that i won't be able to help him during the exam, but i can help him now and explain everything that's not clear.Those couple of days passed but he didn't care about his exam, but the day before it at 4 am when i was going to sleep he enters the room with a sad face, with the words:"Now i understand what kind of friend you are".I was very mad about this and i was explaining him that it was only his fault and that he had plenty of time before to come and ask me for help.This time i felt the same thing as before, so at 4 a.m. in the morning (even if i had my exam at 9 a.m.) i started to help him and explain everything he couldn't understand.It helped him a lot and he thanked me and he was very happy, and i was pleased that all i was explaining him at 4 a.m. didn't passed by.
A week passed, now i had my third exam and i also needed a lot of time to prepre for it. The night before the exam aproximately at 1 a.m i came to my friend's room and asked for my camera charger.He was so busy with playing his computer game that he didn't even heard what i said.When i asked for the second time he told me to take it and go away cause he was busy. I went to the university the next day, i wrote my exam with success but then i understood that i don't need such friends like him, so i went and talked to him about this. He said that he will never change for anybody and if i want i can accept him, if i dont its my problem.These words made me even more angry and i decided that our friendship is over.But this last week, everybody left home for a couple of weeks, only i stayed because i knew he needs my support even if we weren't talking so i decided to stay.
Before our exams we were making plans where we will go to have fun after we finish and we decided to go in another city to one of his old friends and to hang out there.But this last week, he decided to ask somebody else to go with him because he thought i don't talk to him this means i don't want to go anywhere . This was the last moment that pushed me to make this decision, that i don't really need such friends and that this was a fake friendship. I decided to talk to him for the last time and to tell my best friend everything i think. I told him that i thought about his words and i said that i really don't need a friend like this, meanwhile explaining him all the situation above.I think this time i took the correct decision and yesterday i left that house and came home, leaving him alone there.
In my opinion real friends support each other no matter what , and this is how i was acting, but he was acting totally opposite.I made a conclusion that better be alone with a lot of friends and focus on the job you have, instead of living with fake thoughts that you have a best friend, but you never know when he is gonna betray you. I am sure that this is definetely and i wont try to make good friends any more because now i know how it is to loose them.
The most important fact that made me think like this was the situation with my best friend.I will detalize it so everybody could understand how i feel now, and why.
Everything started with the exams we had all this month, but not only because of them. So, my best friend is a freshman and these were his first exams.I started to explain him what should he do in order to have good results and i supported him everytime he needed, but i was thinking that he wasn't really interested in what i was doing . At the beginning of this month we argued about some stuff and we weren't talking to each other.When he started his first exam i was just walking by his room and i have heard that somebody tries to help him. I entered the room and was just wandering if he was ok. The guy that tried to help him couldn't find anything useful for my friend, so, eventhough i wasn't talking to him i just felt that i should help him no matter what . I was looking in all the rooms for the exercises he needed for his exam until i found something useful.I did all i could but i didn't heard any thankfull words from him.
The next day i decided that we should talk and we talked with him a couple of hours about this situation until we decided that we shouldn't argue and that our friendship worths more than this. The next couple of days i had my first exam, so i was trying to prepare for it, but suddenly we understood that we have exams with my best friend in the same day.I told him that i won't be able to help him during the exam, but i can help him now and explain everything that's not clear.Those couple of days passed but he didn't care about his exam, but the day before it at 4 am when i was going to sleep he enters the room with a sad face, with the words:"Now i understand what kind of friend you are".I was very mad about this and i was explaining him that it was only his fault and that he had plenty of time before to come and ask me for help.This time i felt the same thing as before, so at 4 a.m. in the morning (even if i had my exam at 9 a.m.) i started to help him and explain everything he couldn't understand.It helped him a lot and he thanked me and he was very happy, and i was pleased that all i was explaining him at 4 a.m. didn't passed by.
A week passed, now i had my third exam and i also needed a lot of time to prepre for it. The night before the exam aproximately at 1 a.m i came to my friend's room and asked for my camera charger.He was so busy with playing his computer game that he didn't even heard what i said.When i asked for the second time he told me to take it and go away cause he was busy. I went to the university the next day, i wrote my exam with success but then i understood that i don't need such friends like him, so i went and talked to him about this. He said that he will never change for anybody and if i want i can accept him, if i dont its my problem.These words made me even more angry and i decided that our friendship is over.But this last week, everybody left home for a couple of weeks, only i stayed because i knew he needs my support even if we weren't talking so i decided to stay.
Before our exams we were making plans where we will go to have fun after we finish and we decided to go in another city to one of his old friends and to hang out there.But this last week, he decided to ask somebody else to go with him because he thought i don't talk to him this means i don't want to go anywhere . This was the last moment that pushed me to make this decision, that i don't really need such friends and that this was a fake friendship. I decided to talk to him for the last time and to tell my best friend everything i think. I told him that i thought about his words and i said that i really don't need a friend like this, meanwhile explaining him all the situation above.I think this time i took the correct decision and yesterday i left that house and came home, leaving him alone there.
In my opinion real friends support each other no matter what , and this is how i was acting, but he was acting totally opposite.I made a conclusion that better be alone with a lot of friends and focus on the job you have, instead of living with fake thoughts that you have a best friend, but you never know when he is gonna betray you. I am sure that this is definetely and i wont try to make good friends any more because now i know how it is to loose them.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Just....HAPPY:)
Hey, everyone who used to read my posts i forgot about it and didnt write anything for a long time,but now i am back and i can totally say i have a brand new life.This summer i spent in United States and this was the greatest adventure of my life.It changed my whole personality , and now im a definetely different person than i was a little time ago. America is the country that i have dreamed to go from the times i was a child, and my dream came true.I work hardly every day but i also had plenty of fun and made a lot of friends that i miss very much. I hope i come back soon , see all my friends from there, and get drunk like we were doing all the summer.
Also this year is my last year at university, and i can definetely say that i have success at school. I can't tell that im mega smart , but i am doing everything i can to finish it and im sure i will. Actually this is not just my last year here in Romania, this is my best year, and i have a lot of unforgetable memories for such a short period of time i've met my new freshman friends. I can tell that i have now a best friend and this makes me even stronger. Everybody needs a person in which you can trust and confess all your troubles and problems, and in which you can be sure that he won't betray you. Last year i had a different vision about this, and i was thinking that best friends don't exist. I have a lot of friends but i was sure for 100% only in my family.
I will use this moment to wish everybody a merry christmas and a happy new year!!!
Also this year is my last year at university, and i can definetely say that i have success at school. I can't tell that im mega smart , but i am doing everything i can to finish it and im sure i will. Actually this is not just my last year here in Romania, this is my best year, and i have a lot of unforgetable memories for such a short period of time i've met my new freshman friends. I can tell that i have now a best friend and this makes me even stronger. Everybody needs a person in which you can trust and confess all your troubles and problems, and in which you can be sure that he won't betray you. Last year i had a different vision about this, and i was thinking that best friends don't exist. I have a lot of friends but i was sure for 100% only in my family.
I will use this moment to wish everybody a merry christmas and a happy new year!!!
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